In Transition--the personal angle

"Knowing that you don't know is the first and most essential part of knowing, you know?" --from the movie 'Synecdoche, New York', written and directed by Charlie Kaufman

It's May Day 2009 and I am once again in transition. Actually, when are we ever not in transition? However, that sense of "moving on up" into a higher, deeper place is even more palpable than usual. Some things in life are grrrrrreat, some things greatly suck. Same with the world at large (see previous sentence for my assessment of Obama's first 100 days). I've aged, and so has the world.

Have you ever seen those "life coaching" exercises where you break your life up into slices of a pie, and take the proverbial "good, long look" at them all, the "searching and fearless moral inventory" of twelve-steppers fame? They say that the unexamined life is not worth living, and a few also add that the unlived life is not worth examining. Well, this life has so far been anything but both unlived and unexamined. And that's just this past year; and that's really just this past week.

No big earth-shaking developments, just a gently growing internal virus of...dare I call it wisdom? Another good word would be surrender. Battling the good in life, keeping it out with addictiveness, doubt, fear, and other varying degrees of utter behaviorial madness -- it's time to surrender and say, once and for all, I was not born for unhappiness. My best days are ahead of me, and come what may, I'm going to live in freedom, because somebody somewhere said "freedom is a beautiful thang..."

It's been a serenity prayer year, filled with all kinds of personal upheaval, plans made and unmade, people passing through as their reasons and seasons of presence in my life come to a screeching halt. God has been his usual perfect, awesome, patient, and grace-extending. My husband Brandon continues to be "the brightest spot" in it all, even as he perseveres through his own changes.

Without going into any specifics at all, I'll just say that lots and lots of smoke is finally starting to clear, revealing an increasingly focused picture of my destiny and dreams. Less outcome-based, more organic and principle-based. Less controlled and controlling, more openness. Less tolerating, more celebrating. Less knowing, more not knowing as a kind of knowledge of its own. Less lost in the land of the found, more found in the land of the lost.

In light of the upcoming launch for our new band, this space and time probably should have been devoted to rhapsodizing about bella soul. All in good time, not everything has to be about that. Snoop us out, keep tabs, follow the creatiVEntures here (still under construction):

www.bellasoulmusic.com
www.myspace.com/bellasoulmusic
www.twitter.com/bellasoulmusic

I will only be posting here on a monthly basis, unless I get real ambitious and literary lightning bolts strike. I'll be posting more often at www.bellasoulmusic.com.

"Life is good, life is grand, when I'm holding the hand,
Of my strong pure-hearted man, who always loves me for exactly who I am"
--from 'Life Is Good' by me

I'm in transition. So are you though you may not acknowledge it. In times like this, we find out what the water is, and what the rocks are, in our lives. I'm learning that the so-called rocks tend to flow through, and that after all this time, it's the water that is the constant.

PS--Listen to these if the mood hits ya; I speak better about life, and my own life, through song.
www.twiturm.com/phbi
www.twiturm.com/38rc

Lyric Excerpt--Out Of Eden

I'm on a composition bender these days, and the words are coming from some pretty deep places (don't they always...). Here's your latest psychic snoop:

Out Of Eden

Living out these consequences
Of the things that I did wrong
Out of Eden, hope still holds me
Another garden keeps me strong

I believe in wild salvation
I believe in ancient dreams
Destiny's on my horizon
And I still know what grace means

Woo, let's take a breath after that one. Yes, I'm all for songs in the "cheesy party classic" category. But occasionally, my soul says "let's go swimming in the deep end." Maybe you can relate to these words, maybe you can't--although that would basically mean you're perfect or at least have a very short memory.

Last night Karen and I went to a discussion about the upcoming Des Moines Civic Center stage production of "The Color Purple", which is much more based on the novel than the movie was. We discussed evolution of the spirit, triumph over horrific abuse, Celie's personal renaissance, "stepping into creation" as she says in the story, into a land full of wild salvation and grace.

I'm going to see the show next week. But more importantly, I'm going to live in what it and the little song up above both represent, vast expanses of wild salvation and grace. It's not too late for a personal renaissance, for me or for you.

Lyric Excerpt--Treasure

One man's trash is another man's treasure
One man's poison is another man's meat
One man's pain is another man's pleasure
One man's trial is another man's treat

You made a big mistake when you held my love at bay
You made a big mistake when you damned my love to hell
You made a big mistake when you threw my love away
So I will give the treasure of my love to someone else

Yeesh, them's fightin' words! But fighting a good fight..the fight for being treated right! One of our family mottos is "avoid where you're tolerated, go where you're celebrated, avoid where you're tolerating, go where you're celebrating." Life is too short, friends. Let's fill it with the lovely colors of healthy relationships, not the grays of the unhealthy. I'll hopefully be singing this new song in its entirety tomorrow (3-28-09) at an appropriate place, which was actually my mental inspiration for the lyric, The West End Salvage and Coffee Place downtown, during a performance by an up and coming young talent named Dan Berry. (It's from 2 to 4, come on down!)

And when I do, it will be a great reminder that I'm worth being treated well, by others and by my own self.